A friend who used to clean up the parking lot at an arena told me something interesting about the experience when I asked him whose fans were the worst to clean up after: Sabbath? Slayer? The Dead? His smile faded, his gaze drifted, and the color drained from his face as he answered, “Parrotheads.” The tailgate parties outside all concerts, he said, left a mess of puke, beer cans, and broken glass, but no one trashed a parking lot like Jimmy Buffett fans, who seemed to have deliberately set out to create a nightmare landscape of upset Porta-Johns and dented nitrous tanks.
Are you are a flabby, middle-aged white person who likes to get shitfaced and jet ski at the lake with your cousins? If so, you should consider becoming a Parrothead. There are benefits. Covering the parking lot scene at a 2008 Buffett show, the pop music critic for the Detroit News said that Parrotheads are like Juggalos, “except with 401(k)s and way better rum.” The FBI recently classified Juggalos as a gang, but Parrotheads pass as honest citizens because they are all related to law enforcement.
Continue reading: Wasted Life, Jimmy Buffet
I love this because I’ve always hated Jimmy Buffet. God that guy gets on my nerves.
